Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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