i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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