i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
