Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
