I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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