Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
