I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
