he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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