We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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