you traded sex for a burrito?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
