she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
