needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
