im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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