The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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