I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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