Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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