Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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