If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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