One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
