Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
