i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
