HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
