And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
