my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
4 words: hood of his car
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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