When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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