so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
