he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
