Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
