I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize