Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize