Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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