Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
