Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
