She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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