I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
