my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
