ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
this hospital has no fireball
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
