well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
