Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
