Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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