apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
