your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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