dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
