Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
