Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize