i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
