hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
