nut hugger
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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