they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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