I wish I could teleport
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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