I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
