lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
