I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
