Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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