Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize