If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
