so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
