just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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