btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
