Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I CAN MOONWALK!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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