this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
