she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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