$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
