Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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