i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
