Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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