Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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