I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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