I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
