I cannot find my penis.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
