Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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