Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
