okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Let's get the cat blown out
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
