is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it hurts more in the daytime
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
