i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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