I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize